Tim Tebow Joins ESPN

Inflate your star                                                    
                                                                       Recreate your star

Anoint your star                                                   
                                                                       Appoint your star

Whipping boy your star                                      
                                                                       Employ your star

Philadelphia 24, Dallas 22: Another Great Year for the Cowboys

A divided nation
Can unite in celebration
Seeing Jerry Jones' face on
The occasion 
Of another Cowboys' end of season disintegration.

Green Bay 33, Chicago 28: The Limerick

McCarthy's timorous aversion
To the obvious two-point conversion,
Spared by the generosity
Of Chicago's secondary
Donating a Pack playoff excursion. 

Packers at Bears: Preview in Poetry

The NFL's oldest rivalry:

Highlighting, deservedly,

The regularly season finale.

Injected with a dash of irony
As the fourth seed in the NFC
Will be taken by a team defining mediocrity.

The Ashes Fourth Test: Reviewed in Verse

Defeat snatched from the jaws of victory.
A new low for the worst England team in recent history.
A collection of collapses and dropped catches,
Together ensuring lost test matches. 

The Return of Aaron Rodgers

It's only right to feel concern
Hearing of Rodgers' surprise return,
Placing the salvage of Green Bay's sorry year 
Over what's best for his long-term career.

Oklahoma City 123, New York 94: Reviewed in Haiku

Chris Smith at Christmas

The only gift as Saint Knick

Fails to deliver.

Chicago 95, Brooklyn 78: Merry Christmas Nets Fans

The Barclays Center staff

Must be filled with charity,

To sacrifice their Christmas lunch

Hosting another Nets catastrophe.

Manning vs Brady: Who's the Better QB?

Peyton’s undeniably

The regular season statistical king,

But Tom is two defensive stops away

From owning five Super Bowl rings.

The Retirement of Graeme Swann

Swann
Is gone.

His career the first casualty
Of England's Ashes travesty. 

San Diego State 49, Buffalo 24: The Famous Idaho Potato Bowl in Review

Some NCAA head honcho

Said, I know,

Let’s name a bowl after a potato

And ask fans from Buffalo

And San Diego

To fly to Idaho

And sit in temperatures sub-zero.

And they wonder why the crowd’s a no-show

For a mismatch from the word go

At another college football fiasco?

Haiku Examining Luis Suarez's New Liverpool Contract

Cheats never prosper?
Two hundred grand a week says
They bloody well do.

Knicks 107, Bucks 101: The Unique Genius of Andrea Bargnani

Andrea

Isn’t the toughest player.

And his basketball IQ

Is pretty low too.

But if I had to choose one guy

To throw up a self-sabotaging late-game brick

It wouldn’t take long to explain why

Bargnani would be who I’d pick.

Olympic Diplomacy is Much Like a Game of Chess

Obama advances King.
Checkmate, Putin. 

Baltimore 18, Detroit 16: Instant Review in Verse

Stafford’s poor on field decisions

In critical positions

And Tucker’s lengthy precision

Mean the Lions won’t win their division.

Green Bay 37, Dallas 36: Why Cowboys Fans Should Be Concerned

A wonderful game with much to discuss

With Dez Bryant's big day an obvious plus.

But a historic collapse is reason to fuss.

So is Garrett throwing Romo under the bus. 

The Ashes Third Test, Day Three Reviewed in Verse

I appreciate that every professional athlete

Will always do their best to try to compete.

But although I accept that an Ashes Series is tough

The England team need to know that this simply isn’t good enough.

Arizona 72, Michigan 70: Cutting Through The Analysis

Free throw technique is the reason

Arizona saved their perfect season.

Third Ashes Test, Day One: Review in Haiku

Perth heat punishes.

English hope evaporates.
Au revoir Ashes.

Barcelona 6, Celtic 1: A Review in Verse

The Championship of Scotland is no preparation
If one wants to avoid humiliation
By other, more competitive, nations. 

Michael Jordan vs Hanes

As Christmas approaches could there be a sadder sight

Than Jordan shilling sweat shop underwear every night?

Watch the commercial and ask yourself why

He’s earned his reputation as a less than cool guy.

The Chicago Bears Retire Mike Ditka's Number

Ditka,
Less than patiently waiting
Clearly
Hating
The living eulogy being delivered
As he shivered,

Facial expression and body language screaming
"Screw Bear pride.
Let's get this done 
So I can go back inside."

Kansas City 45, Washington 10: A Study in Dysfunction

A franchise determined to do everything wrong.

Change the name and the owner and begin to move on. 

Michigan State 34, Ohio State 24: Unravelling the Eternal Mysteries of College Football

Commiserations to every Buckeye

Whose unbeaten run was destined to die,

Although no one has subsequently explained why

Before the game you were ranked so high.

Presumably because nobody is able to supply

The criteria that college teams are ranked by.

The World Cup Draw Reviewed in Verse

Brazil, Croatia,

Mexico, Cameroon.

The Cup organizers

Will be over the moon.

Netherlands, Chile,

Australia, Spain.

The Group of Death

Provides guaranteed pain.

Colombia, Greece,

Ivory Coast, Japan.

Be honest, this group

Is incredibly bland.

England, Italy

Costa Rica, Uruguay

The big match kicks off

At 2am GMT. Er, why?

Switzerland, Ecuador,

Honduras, France.

The Central Americans

Don’t have a chance.

Argentina, Bosnia,

Iran, Nigeria.

Two of these sides

Are obviously inferior.

Germany, Portugal,

USA, Ghana.

No congratulations calls

From Barack Obama.

Belgium, Algeria,

Russia, Korea.

Who’s going through?

I have no idea.

RIP Nelson Mandela

Mandela in his Springbok jersey

Is the greatest sports image of the 20^th Century.

A visual representation

Of reconciliation.

Using rugby as unification

And inspiration

For a divided nation.

On Mike Tomlin's Fine

100 grand

Is a steep price to pay,

But should persuade you not to stand

On the field of play.

A loss of Steeler draft picks

Discourages future dirty tricks. 

The Raptors Blow a 27-point Lead and Lose to the Warriors

Outscored 42-15

In the fourth

The Raptors are the shame of

The Great White North.

After Mayor Rob Ford,

Of course.

It’s hard to decide which train wreck

Is actually worse.

NFL Week 13 in Review

Having watched Week 13 I am delighted to disclose
That Super Bowl XLVIII will star the Seahawks and Broncos.

Australia 30, Wales 26: A Review in Verse

George North
Is an unstoppable force,

But the ninth successive Welsh failure 
Against Australia

Shows the transformation from good to great
Will have to wait

At least another year
Before they worry the Southern Hemisphere.

Shame.
Because that was one hell of a game.

Iowa 38, Nebraska 17: Reviewed by Joyce Kilmer

I think that I shall never see 


A coach as angry as Bo Pelini.

A coach whose snarling mouth gets stressed 


Whenever he is politely addressed; 



A coach that looks at God all day, 


Asking why his plans have gone astray; 



A coach who thinks that fans don’t care, 


And greets all with a hateful glare; 



Causing sideline reporters pain; 


While sliding towards the end of his reign. 



Poems are made by fools like me, 


But God, why is that guy so angry? 

Detroit 40, Green Bay 10: The Thanksgiving Game Reviewed in Haiku

Merciless beating

Inflicted on inept Pack. 

Detroit fans give thanks.

Jason Kidd Spills His Drink

Place your bets
On how the NBA will be treating
The Nets
For that creative piece of cheating.

The world can see
JK said "Hit me."

The fine guaranteed to ensue
Will be a fair price for the spill's comedic value. 

The Sad Decline of Robert Griffin III

RG3,
Rushed through recovery
From injury
Is not the QB
Fans in DC
Hoped he
Would be.

The Washington Football Team "Honours" the Navajo Code Talkers

How deep can Daniel Snyder fall
Defending the indefensible?

Wheeling out four jacketed Navajos
Proves what everybody knows.

He's willing to go
Pretty low.

San Diego 41, Kansas City 38: Review in Haiku

Arrowhead shootout

Results in murder of Chiefs’

Title pretentions. 

Ode to The Swamp: After Florida's Loss to Georgia Southern

Once home to the best team in the Nation,
Now the site of a fabled humiliation.
Florida weathering a storm of derision

Losing to a school from a lower division.

A famous program fatally corroded
Erasing all that Tim Tebow did.
To stress the Gators' fall to the bottom of the class
Georgia Southern won without completing a forward pass. 

Australia 21, Scotland 15: A Review in Verse

What was the Australian Union thinking,
Suspending players for going out drinking?

Ironic that this firmness comes before
A game against a team struggling to score?

Predictably, 
Scottish industry 
Could not prevent a Wallaby victory, 
Despite Lealiifano's kicking inconsistency. 

The Ashes First Test, Day Two: Instant Review in Verse

Australia set traps

Opening mental gaps

As England prolapse 

To an historic collapse.

The Ashes First Test, Day One: Instant Review in Verse

Australia
Avoid total failure

With a Mitchell Johnson
Half-ton

And superb battin'
From Brad Haddin.

Carolina 24, New England 20: The Non-Call of the Year

The insistence

Of no interference

In this instance

Makes no sense. 

Although it might seem

That the call did redeem

A suspect defensive scheme,

The winners were the better team.

Denver 27, Kansas City 17: The Perfect Season Bubble Bursts

The ’72 Dolphins pop

Champagne,

A celebration

Of past splendors.

The Chiefs just pop,

But still maintain,

Their reputation

As contenders.

England 22, New Zealand 30: Instant Analysis in Verse

Robshaw’s face

Stated the case

That physicality

Is a euphemism for hostility,

Although offloading dexterity

Remains the heart of All Black invincibility.

Still, Dylan Hartley’s departure was the key

Moment ensuring New Zealand victory.

India vs West Indies, Second Test: On Sachin Tendulkar's Last Innings

The dispatch
Of Sach
Is the only story from this Test Match.
Natch.

RIP Todd Christensen

Todd Christensen earned his stripes

As a destroyer of secondaries and jock stereotypes.

Linebackers were routinely ineffectual

Matching wits with the Raider intellectual;

Their defence

No match

For his verbal and physical eloquence.

Tampa Bay 22, Miami 19: A Review in Verse

Two yards of rushing offence

Makes perfect sense.

Inefficiency

Just one specificity

Of Miami’s inherent team toxicity. 

Lance Armstrong: the Future

Armstrong promises the BBC

“100% transparency,”

Willing to risk his dwindling financial health,

No longer afraid of perjuring himself.

His traditional truth deficiency

Paused in fruitless hope of clemency.

The pathological liar eagerly embracing

His chance for revenge on the sport of bike racing.