Haiku Reviewing the 2013 NBA Draft

Rating potential

From one season in college?

‘Experts’ proved clueless. 

Carlos Tévez Signs for Juventus

Juve fans rushed the airport when Carlos Tévez landed

Certain that their chances of glory had expanded.

Six months from now they’ll feel quite the contrary,

Cursing the signing of football’s most troublesome mercenary.

On Roger Federer’s Wimbledon Exit

36 straight slam quarterfinals. That sequence is done.

The mighty has fallen aged just 31.

“He’s too old. He’s not hungry,” they’ll inevitably say,

Lauding the prospects of Novak and Murray.

A bad day at the office doesn’t exorcise pride.

The heart of a champion will still beat inside.

The writers will sigh that he’s inched past his prime.

But only fools dismiss the greatest tennis player of all time.

Game 6 Stanley Cup Finals Review Haiku

Seventeen seconds

Turn Boston triumph to doom.

Ooh, that’s gotta hurt. 

Serena Williams vs Maria Sharapova: The Limerick

Once Serena dissed Miss Sharapova

The rivalry began to boil over.

Now Wimbledon looms

And TV ratings boom

Waiting for the next juicy disclosure.

Jan Ullrich Admits to Doping. QFS.

Ullrich's confession came as no surprise
To cycling fans that used their eyes.
But admissions from riders Lance Armstrong beat
Don't make him any less of a bullying, lying cheat.

Previewing the NBA Finals Game 7 Postgame

The columnists are writing two stories today.

One they’ll probably run, and what they really want to say.

One gives begrudging respect to LeBron and the Heat.

Over seven tough games they had too much talent to defeat.

But if the Spurs win their joy will abound

As they revel in throwing creaking platitudes around,

How teamwork, fundamentals, honesty and coaching

Beat the squad of selfish megastars built from round-the-league poaching.

Basketball turns into a morality tale.

How the modest will triumph and the arrogant fail.

Are the teams really different at the end of the day?

They’re all millionaires. And they all come to play.

Kipling’s two impostors were once treated the same.

Humans shouldn’t be judged on who wins one game.  

Haiku Elucidating Why All Reasonably-minded Hockey Fans Hate the Boston Bruins

Tim Thomas stained The 
Bruins with his deluded
Views. Racist fans too.  

Lecce Riot: The Morning After (Ghosts of Mussolini)

It didn’t make global headlines when dishonour descended on Lecce.

Italian football riots are expected anyway.

In the docile Florence of the South rage exploded without warning.

Yet only newspaper headlines disturb cafe tranquillity this morning.

Smiling baristas pull their shots. Conversation is warm and polite.

No one mentions where they watched the match last night.

Eyes behind dark sunglasses mask misplaced pride, disgust or regret.

It isn’t time for accusations or apologies yet.

A city gripped by silence, all know where the guilty are.

The Ghosts of Mussolini are sipping coffee in the bar. 

Lions vs Australia: One Week To The First Test

"Selection is the easy part,"
The Great Jim Telfer said.
You don't become a legend
Until you win in red.

Hail To The Redskins?

O say, Daniel Snyder

Why can’t you see?

You’re stood on the wrong side of history.

Do you feel pride keeping a racial slur alive?

Tradition means nothing

When founded on genocide.

Washington newspapers

Won’t write your team’s name.

Why can’t you realise you’re losing this game?

The day the name changes

You’ll know you were wrong.

While the world asks, how could the “Redskins” have lasted so long?

O say, Daniel Snyder

Why can’t you see?

You’re dooming your franchise to sports infamy. 

On The Biological Uniqueness of Skip Bayless

A more unfortunate medical specimen, I hope to never see.

The poor guy has an anus where his mouth should be.

Ode to Tim Tebow Joining the New England Patriots

The circus continues

In Boston, alas.

As the media clamours

To see Tim throw a pass.

And while ESPN talk shows

Grow cluttered with words,

Bill Belichick’s genius

Will again be assured.

This signing’s great logic,

We soon all will learn,

As God’s QB blocks

On a Pats’ punt return.

#TheBlock Haiku

Splitter flies skyward.

LeBron soars above, saying

Superman plays here. 

Prix is French for Price

Formula One,
You understand,
Is just high speed billboards
For global brands.

Its dashing drivers,
So I hear,
Are racing to win
Sales target bonuses at the end of the year.

Slam for a Slam

French Open
Countless dreams broken
Wrote off Nadal?
Man, you shouldn't have spoken.

Semi-final
Five-set thriller.
Unforced errors
Novak's dream killer.

Jo-Wilfried Tsonga
Every match he got stronger.
Shame the French Tennis Revolution
Couldn't last longer.

Women's Game
Familiar name
Serena's glory
Same old story.

The Greatest Love of All

Young men leap from their seats
Hands held atop their heads
Screeching in disbelief.

Their grandfathers watch silently,
Alternating between coffee and gelato,
Counting the minutes until the end of another goalless draw.

Italy.

Let's go eat.

Thoughts on Following the Stanley Cup Playoffs from Outside Canada

The best thing about following the Stanley Cup Playoffs from outside Canada, I will always maintain,
Is not hearing the idiotic opinions of Don Cherry and Ron MacLean.

Hey Jo

Bonne chance a vous, Jo-Wilfried Tsonga,

We hope your French Open run lasts at least six sets longer.

We tire of the monotonous victories of Rafa

The endless bum crack adjustments we can no longer suffer.

So fare well Jo-Wilfried, in the pack of tennis aces, you’re the joker.

Win this for the World, and never sell us on-line poker. 

2013 NBA Finals Preview Haiku

Can the Spurs’ teamwork

Withstand LeBron’s point onslaught?

Highly unlikely.