Australia 30, Wales 26: A Review in Verse

George North
Is an unstoppable force,

But the ninth successive Welsh failure 
Against Australia

Shows the transformation from good to great
Will have to wait

At least another year
Before they worry the Southern Hemisphere.

Shame.
Because that was one hell of a game.

Iowa 38, Nebraska 17: Reviewed by Joyce Kilmer

I think that I shall never see 


A coach as angry as Bo Pelini.

A coach whose snarling mouth gets stressed 


Whenever he is politely addressed; 



A coach that looks at God all day, 


Asking why his plans have gone astray; 



A coach who thinks that fans don’t care, 


And greets all with a hateful glare; 



Causing sideline reporters pain; 


While sliding towards the end of his reign. 



Poems are made by fools like me, 


But God, why is that guy so angry? 

Detroit 40, Green Bay 10: The Thanksgiving Game Reviewed in Haiku

Merciless beating

Inflicted on inept Pack. 

Detroit fans give thanks.

Jason Kidd Spills His Drink

Place your bets
On how the NBA will be treating
The Nets
For that creative piece of cheating.

The world can see
JK said "Hit me."

The fine guaranteed to ensue
Will be a fair price for the spill's comedic value. 

The Sad Decline of Robert Griffin III

RG3,
Rushed through recovery
From injury
Is not the QB
Fans in DC
Hoped he
Would be.

The Washington Football Team "Honours" the Navajo Code Talkers

How deep can Daniel Snyder fall
Defending the indefensible?

Wheeling out four jacketed Navajos
Proves what everybody knows.

He's willing to go
Pretty low.

San Diego 41, Kansas City 38: Review in Haiku

Arrowhead shootout

Results in murder of Chiefs’

Title pretentions. 

Ode to The Swamp: After Florida's Loss to Georgia Southern

Once home to the best team in the Nation,
Now the site of a fabled humiliation.
Florida weathering a storm of derision

Losing to a school from a lower division.

A famous program fatally corroded
Erasing all that Tim Tebow did.
To stress the Gators' fall to the bottom of the class
Georgia Southern won without completing a forward pass. 

Australia 21, Scotland 15: A Review in Verse

What was the Australian Union thinking,
Suspending players for going out drinking?

Ironic that this firmness comes before
A game against a team struggling to score?

Predictably, 
Scottish industry 
Could not prevent a Wallaby victory, 
Despite Lealiifano's kicking inconsistency. 

The Ashes First Test, Day Two: Instant Review in Verse

Australia set traps

Opening mental gaps

As England prolapse 

To an historic collapse.

The Ashes First Test, Day One: Instant Review in Verse

Australia
Avoid total failure

With a Mitchell Johnson
Half-ton

And superb battin'
From Brad Haddin.

Carolina 24, New England 20: The Non-Call of the Year

The insistence

Of no interference

In this instance

Makes no sense. 

Although it might seem

That the call did redeem

A suspect defensive scheme,

The winners were the better team.

Denver 27, Kansas City 17: The Perfect Season Bubble Bursts

The ’72 Dolphins pop

Champagne,

A celebration

Of past splendors.

The Chiefs just pop,

But still maintain,

Their reputation

As contenders.

England 22, New Zealand 30: Instant Analysis in Verse

Robshaw’s face

Stated the case

That physicality

Is a euphemism for hostility,

Although offloading dexterity

Remains the heart of All Black invincibility.

Still, Dylan Hartley’s departure was the key

Moment ensuring New Zealand victory.

India vs West Indies, Second Test: On Sachin Tendulkar's Last Innings

The dispatch
Of Sach
Is the only story from this Test Match.
Natch.

RIP Todd Christensen

Todd Christensen earned his stripes

As a destroyer of secondaries and jock stereotypes.

Linebackers were routinely ineffectual

Matching wits with the Raider intellectual;

Their defence

No match

For his verbal and physical eloquence.

Tampa Bay 22, Miami 19: A Review in Verse

Two yards of rushing offence

Makes perfect sense.

Inefficiency

Just one specificity

Of Miami’s inherent team toxicity. 

Lance Armstrong: the Future

Armstrong promises the BBC

“100% transparency,”

Willing to risk his dwindling financial health,

No longer afraid of perjuring himself.

His traditional truth deficiency

Paused in fruitless hope of clemency.

The pathological liar eagerly embracing

His chance for revenge on the sport of bike racing. 

Baltimore 20, Cincinnati 17: The Hail Mary of the Year Reviewed in Verse

Hail Mary, full of grace.
It was worth enduring four boring quarters to see the look on John Harbaugh's face.

Our Father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.
Only Marv and the Bengals could take that good fortune and go on to lose the game.

Wales 15, South Africa 24: A Review in Verse

Allain Rolland’s reffing

Made uncomfortable viewing.

Sending duelling props off proved

He didn’t know what he was doing. 

Stanford 26, Oregon 20: A Review in Haiku

Man Bites Dog is news.

But Cardinal Fucks Ducks is

A better headline. 

The Richie Incognito/Jonathan Martin On-Line Culture Wars

Is there anything more cowardly

Than the on-line spewers of hostility

Casting dispersions

On Jonathan Martin’s masculinity?

The playground friends of the bully;

No fighters themselves, but gathering to surround,

Finding strength in their squealing,

“Kick him when he’s down.”

The Gradual Disappearance of Tyler Hansbrough

What happened to Tyler Hansbrough?

Reduced to a role player in Toronto,

A city known for crack-smoking mayors

And not doing ballers any favours.

Once a unanimous All-American

Now barely a third-rate sixth man.

Seems like the once-great Psycho T

Turned pro and unfortunately

Rediscovered his sanity.

The Republic of Ireland Name Martin O'Neill and Roy Keane as its Coaching Team

Two rational men

Wielding Irish football authority.

A decision made

With future book deals clearly the priority.

The Suspension of Richie Incognito: Updated

The Miami Dolphins
Today broke their silence
Suspending their scapegoat
For a culture of violence.

Insisting that bullying 
Would not be condoned,
The media accepting
Incognito acted alone.

Truths behind football values

Have begun to appear.

One goon waves goodbye

To a lucrative career. 

Seattle 27, Tampa Bay 24: On Losing a 21-point lead, a Review in Verse

Cheerio,
Greg Schiano.
You'll have to go.
Possibly tomorrow.

England 20, Australia 13: A Review in Verse

With the World Cup Group of Death two years away

England improved their chances today.

Standout performances by Robshaw, Vunipola and Brown

Led a famous return from seven points down,

Even though Lancaster’s still not sure how

To contain Israel Folau.